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RECAP: Notes, Quotes and Questions From the 71st Golden Globes Awards

It’s a night that brings together the “beautiful people of movies and the ugly faces of television.” This year’s Golden Globes, hosted by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, was … just OK.

In all honesty, this year’s show fell somewhat flat compared to last year’s amazing performance that delivered joke after joke and laugh after laugh. The presenters were boring and Fey and Poehler weren’t given enough time on stage. Even the winners lacked excitement. There weren’t many speeches that blew me away, and the lack of shots on the crowd made for fewer GIF-able moments that we’ll see throughout the week.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a good show with some good lines (poking fun of George Clooney’s taste in younger women) but overall, it was really slow moving with minimal moments that stood out above the rest. Even Lorne Michaels looked bored, and it was his comedy prodigies (Fey, Poehler, Seth Meyers, Andy Samberg, Jimmy Fallon) leading the show.

Regardless, here are some of the highs and lows of the evening as well as some notable quotes in acceptance speeches. Also, I found myself asking several questions throughout so I figure I’d include them to see if any of you had answers.

More: Popculturology's Bill Kuchman breaks down the winners at this year's Golden Globes.

The Good
• Once again, Fey and Poehler shined with a brilliantly-witty monologue, poking fun at how gorgeous everyone in Hollywood is to what a bitch that Amy Poeher can be to work with. They also made fun of Julia Louis-Dreyfus for sitting in the film section, not over with the television section where she built her career. Props to Tom Hanks aka Tam Honks for hanging in there while being the butt of so many of their jokes.

Amy Adams perfected the formula for giving the perfect acceptance speech. She covered what her role meant to the industry, she gave a nod to the people who helped made the movie and thanked the people that got her to where she is today. Here’s hoping we get to see another Adams acceptance speech at the Academy Awards.

Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick introducing their daughter, Sosie, as Miss Golden Globe and Tina Fey introduced her son “Randy” as Mr. Golden Globe. Randy (aka Amy Poehler) quickly stole the show, asking who her his father is. Spoiler alert: it’s Harvey Weinstein.

• Fallon and Melissa McCarthy presenting was pretty hilarious. It wasn’t as good as Kristen Wiig and Will Farrell’s presentation last year, but it was pretty amazing.


• The time Tina Fey referenced Taylor Swift's comment about “a special place in hell” for Amy Poehler. And Taylor Swift went home empty handed. Win win.

• The tribute to Woody Allen, which was introduced by Emma Stone and beautifully accepted by Diane Keaton, was just lovely.

• "And now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio." — Tina Fey

The Worst 
• Everything about Jacqueline Bisset’s long and drawn-out speech. It was awkward, it was long and it made everyone feel uncomfortable. It was her fifth nomination — how did she not have something prepared?

P. Diddy hammered on stage presenting an award to U2.

• This year’s presenters were pretty boring. Last year we had a lot of really good anecdotes and scripted presentations and this year they all just fell flat. In fact, Emma Watson’s introduction was just “Hello. Here are the nominees.” It was really too bad they didn’t ham those up more.

• The time All Is Lost composer Alex Ebert tried to look like Joaquin Phoenix and say very profound things that made absolutely no sense.

Emma Thompson presenting the award for Best Screenplay. Her drunkeness was an act, but it was pretty weird.

Johnny Depp’s horrible, horrible hair color.

• The very long and awkward walks to the stage.

Notable Quotes from Acceptance Speeches
• “This is such a lovely way to say goodbye to a show that meant so much to me.” — Bryan Cranston, Best Actor for a TV Series for Breaking Bad

• “Thank you so much for letting the world know a princess can punch and wear a low cut gown.” — Amy Adams, Best Actress in a Comedy/Musical for American Hustle

• “Hey wait, hold on! I just started …” — Spike Jonze, Best Screenplay for Her

• “Oh no! I didn’t prepare anything. It wasn’t going to happen!” — Andy Samberg, Best Actor in a TV Comedy for Brooklyn Nine-Nine

• “Thank you to my wonderful children who are my AA batteries and keep me going. I’m so thrilled to be a part of this wonderful evening.” — Amy Poehler, Best Actress in a TV Comedy, Parks and Recreation

• “It’s safe to say Woody Allen is an anomaly.” — Diane Keaton, accepting the Cecil B. DeMille award on behalf of Allen

• “I’d like to thank my wife and kids, even the two-and-a-half-year-old who is a nightmare.” — Dan Goor for Best TV Series (Comedy) for Brooklyn Nine-Nine

• “Alright, alright, alright.” — Matthew McConaughey, Best Actor in a Drama (fun fact, this is also how I started my article on his evolution throughout his career. Maybe he reads Popculturology?!)

Some Questions
• Why did Taylor Swift get to sit next to Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep?

• Why didn’t Jacqueline Bisset hire someone to do her hair?

• Who let P. Diddy present not one but two awards? 

• Was Julia Louis-Dreyfus really smoking that e-cigarette the whole time or was that a joke?

• How does Rob Lowe not age? He’s never looked better.

• Does Leo DiCaprio not know how to say Philomena? Because he said it “Fill-o-mania.”

• Did someone censor Fey and Poehler? Why didn’t they have more time on air? Where was their Fey/Poehler banter and why did no one suspend them from the ceiling?

Did we miss anything? Highs you loved? Lows you could have lived without? Let us know in the comments below.
RECAP: Notes, Quotes and Questions From the 71st Golden Globes Awards Reviewed by Lindsay Campbell on 1/13/2014 Rating: 5

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